Thursday, Oct. 23-Venting

At this point, I'm in pretty much constant pain.  It's hard to describe. Some of it's like when one has the flu and just aches all over.  Some of it is like my arms were dunked in a bucket of ice water--they're numb, but hurt at the same time.  Part of it just feels all stove-up.  I also have very limited range of motion with my left arm.  All through the night, I log 45 minutes to an hour of sleep and grab on to the next pain pill or shot of morphine, which does very little.  On top of this, I have very little strength in my hands or arms.  Placing my I-pad or pillow on the bed is a strain.  I can't open a Baggie to drain water from an ice bag.  Standing up is an effort.  Where all this stops is beginning to weigh on my mind.

On the other hand, I tend to do better during the day.  Sometime, I will meet  with my oncology team and hear what they have to say, although I suspect it will be what I heard yesterday--no return of cancer, no infection, let's wait to see what neurology says.  Neurology will have another MRI to look at and more tests to run.  In the end, they will scratch their heads and marvel how rare this is.

As you have probably concluded, the purpose of this blog is not to inspire, but to vent.

It's been more than two months since I had chemo.  As a result, hair is beginning to grow on my face and ears (oh joy!), but not my scalp.  My nurse brought me a razor and I shaved this morning, although I had to use two hands.  If you want to be inspired, you only have to look to my darling wife, Sherry.  She's been putting on make-up with two hands for years.  She's suffered countless indignities and bounced back 10 minutes later with a smile and love for God.  She can tell me about extreme nerve pain attacks, because she's been there, done it all, and got the t-shirt.  Our inside joke is for me to tell her, "You just don't have any idea what I'm going through."  As I've noted, I married up.  John, who brought me an Oreo McFlurry yesterday, said there's a word for this: hypergamy--the action of marrying a person of superior class.  Yep!

Weight: 175 lbs
Blood Pressure:  142/96
Pulse: 102
Attitude: Slightly Annoyed