Early Tuesday, Oct 21- No News Yet

I finished my MRI last night at 1 o'clock and had another tough night trying to sleep.  After sharp spike in pain around 3 o'clock I got a second dose of morphine and was able to sleep through the morning.  So I've had the bone marrow biopsy, the spinal tap and the MRI and I'm just waiting for the doctors to tell me what is happening with the cancer.

While things were going well the past month, I kept score by measuring my success against hospital metrics such:  chemo taking the leukemia to zero, finding a perfect donor, 100% donor cells, and good looking lab reports.  Now, I may soon hear that the leukemia has returned.  I want to clarify something.  Just because I acknowledge the presence of cancer, I am not claiming it.  

There's a chance my symptoms are a result of a infection.  However, it really looks like the cancer has returned.  Obviously, this is very bad news makes me sad.  Last week, Sherry and I were making plans for the future.  We plan to buy some new furniture for the living room and dining room and remodel a bedroom into a workout room and have the house painted.  We planned a one week vacation to celebrate the 100-Day bone marrow biopsy good news.  My brother Don is coming down this week to help do some remodeling on a house Katie and Ike just purchased.  I was really looking to be a part of it, although not actually in the dust.  Now I'm going to be locked up in the hospital for an extended period of time.  Bottom line, I was beginning to ask myself what I wanted to do with your next 10-20 years?  I was doing so well, then bam!

Before I got ill in May, Sherry and I attended Habitation services at Gateway and sat in the handicap seats next to the sound booth.  During two services, Elder Jeremy and another prayer partner stepped over Sherry and her wheelchair to specifically pray for me.  I had just finished riding my bicycle across the USA and looked very fit.  It was pretty funny at the time.  Then my cancer transformed into a very aggressive leukemia and I was in real trouble.  Suddenly, I was amazed.  Everything went right.  I jumped every hurdle and was on my way to defeating two 'incurable' cancers.  And my blog allowed me to find my voice.  I was able to talk about what it meant to live a faith-base life.  Anyone who is very competitive also has an ego and I certainly do.  I have to confess I was looking forward to forward to being healed.  I wanted to be star.  

Things are different now.  In May I was very sick, but in wonderful physical condition.  I just muscled my way through 'sledge hammer' chemo.  Now, I have no personal defenses and feel much more vulnerable.  If I face more chemo again, it will hit me much harder.  But God hasn't changed.  He doesn't need 80% odds to heal me.  Although I must face the fact that my message may be how to honor God with terminal cancer, rather than, showing off a healing.  I don't know what the correct Biblical position is, but I plan to expect a miracle, but not demand one.  I am thankful for all God has done for me and will accept what comes a joyful heart.